Nine years and a day later

That title could almost refer to how long it's been since I last made a blog post, but it actually refers to the date of my first colonoscopy, on January 11th, 2008, when it was confirmed that the bleeding I'd been having for months was in fact cancer. It's been a long road since that date, and many things have changed in my life since then, but much has stayed the same.

Nine years ago today, my brother spontaneously flew out to watch the Patriots play in the NFL playoffs and to spend the weekend with me. On January 11, 2017, he was here in Illinois to take me to treatment, flying in and out from Maine to Illinois within a 24-hour period, as he's done multiple times this year. My sisters have made it possible for my mom to fly out on a regular basis to be with me during treatments. My friends, colleagues and employer have been very supportive, the latter by providing a full-time sub, during my treatments. My professors bent over backwards for all of those nine years to accommodate my needs and to help me finish my Ph.D. on my own merits, but I wouldn't have finished without their help and encouragement.

The ultimate consistency in my life these last nine years has been the Lord. If you looked just at me that would seem to make no sense. That weekend in 2008, my brother and I went to College Church with our sisters who were living in the area at the time, and it was my first day in church in months. Yet one of the best sermons I have ever heard was preached that Sunday by their Youth Pastor Jay Thomas. It was a sermon about what it meant to be ready to meet the Lord in Heaven. The Lord knew what I needed to hear that day to have the courage to face the next few weeks of uncertainty.

Over the next 6 years, I would have moments where I returned to the Lord, but longer ones where I let sin and laziness creep into my life and separate me from him. However, the Lord was there for me every time I returned.

In 2014, after a couple of short stints in other churches and long stints not, He used a sense of desperation in my life and pain from radiation treatments to lead me to Church of the Resurrection in Wheaton, which ultimately led to a renewal of my baptismal vows. I've been at the church for more two and a half years now. I am not a perfect person, but I have people in my life now that I feel comfortable sharing my struggles and who I can support as well. The Lord has brought about great healing in my life these last nine years, and that doesn't include the way that He has held my cancer at bay.

It appears that I will soon be facing a new chapter in this journey. By the end of the month, I will likely have used up the paid sick days provided by my union's sick bank. They have been very generous to me over the nine years, and except for the 2.5 days I was short in 2008, I haven't had to pay another non-comp day despite a few different stays in the hospital, two surgeries and multiple treatments. However, it has been near impossible to stockpile any of my own days since then. That has meant that I have had to draw upon the sick bank when my personal days would run out. The sick back committee, and my fellow teachers have been very generous to me. I am thankfully that I have been able to go these many years without incurring the unpaid days that I have might have in a different job.

Most likely, that will come to an end in a couple of weeks. I believe that am prepared to cover the shortfall over the next few months, but at my current rate of absences it will be a significant financial hit. I also need to make some decisions about next school year and whether I can afford to take a year off and focus on treatment, which includes issues of disability and being able to afford insurance, especially with the uncertainty surrounding the Affordable Care Act and whatever might or might not replace it. I trust that the Lord knows what is best and will be with me as He has been over the past nine years. Please pray that I will have the wisdom to make smart decisions, both in the short term and long term, regarding my financial situation. There's no immediate emergency, but I want to make the right decisions, preferably giving me flexibility down the road, including keeping my position as a teacher, if possible.

Thank you to all of you for your prayers, support and encouragement. Right now the cancer is as advanced as it has been, but it is also under control. I don't really know where things will go from here, but I am thankful to God that I have so many friends and family members who care about me and who are a constant encouragement to me. I couldn't have imagined nine years ago that this is where I would be. Even as look into an uncertain future, I have hope that God's plan for my life is better than the one that I would pick for myself.

11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. 

Jeremiah 29:11-13 (ESV)