Here we are at the end of a long good day!

When this day started Stephen and I were not thinking surgery.  We knew it was a possibility but were hopeful, actually I felt confident, that with a little more time, things would be resolved and we wouldn't be pressed into making a decision about surgery because afterall we had radiation treatments to get ready for and Steve had a conference to go to on Saturday.  So when the surgeon came in and announced to Steve that the xray showed that there had been no improvement and that he wanted to do surgery today, this morning, now !Steve wasn't ready, and I was on my way to the hospital, my arms full of computers, and knitting supplies and books to share the day of waiting with Steve. I definitely did not want to think about  surgery.  We both felt swept along heading where neither of us wanted to go. Things clearly were out of control!

Dr. Altimari's cheerful confidence  was in stark contrast to how we were feeling. Around every corner we met people who were compassionate and  sympathetic about all Steve's been through--and while the conscensus was that he is too young to be dealing with all this, nevertheless in no time at all Steve was listed as an "add-on" to the surgery schedule, IV lines were put in and blood was drawn.  Then he was gone and I made my way to the surgery waiting area wondering how this day had gotten so out of hand!

Three hours later Dr. Altimari came down the hall to the consultation room relaxed and smiling.  Everything he had hope to do had been done.  He was very pleased with how things had gone and confident that Steve was going to be too.

Stephen's resting quietly now, pain is being managed and healing is underway.  Healing that will be benefit him in the near future and in the days, months, years ahead.

Thankyou Dr. Altimari, nurses, patient care coordinator, family, friends for taking the lead in making this hard decision for this day.  Thanks for the compassion and understanding and for holding us on course for healthier days ahead. 

What Stephen and I dreaded alot is done and healing is happening.  We're very thankful for everyone who helped us through this day and for God Who was today, and will be tomorrow, our Refuge and Strength, our ever-present Help in trouble.

Next update, Stephen will speak for himself!

Thanks for everything. 

Bev

Some bad news and tough decisions to come...

After my first surgery in 2008, I developed two hernias in areas that were weakened by the surgery. One of the hernias is quite large and complicated. I have spent the last year looking into ways to repair it effectively and safely. It has sent me to doctors in Cleveland and Boston. Both suggested that if I lost weight I would have the best chance of the repair lasting. Since last July, I have lost about 60 pounds, but was planning to wait another year until I had lost it all. The hernia has been annoying at times, but it has not caused me serious problems until now.

When I began taking pain medication, I became more constipated and my hernia began changing. It was getting progressively larger and my attempts to manage it has been less productive. On Tuesday, I began vomiting. My doctor put me on a stronger medicine hoping to clear things out. After some small progress, I began vomiting again on Wednesday. On my doctor's advice, my mom took me to the ER, and I was admitted to CDH last night.

X-rays and a CT scan show that I have a bowel obstruction, which was caused by the pain medication and the hernia. They put in a very uncomfortable NG tube, which helped deal with my nausea, but so far the obstruction has not cleared. The surgeon at CDH, who I don't know anything about, but seems confident, wants to do another X-ray in the morning. He said that if it hasn't cleared by then, that he thinks it will be time to do surgery, because the longer it stays obstructed the more dangerous it gets.

Prior to this development, I learned that there is a piece of bowel near the tumor, which means that the more optimistic plan wouldn't be possible. I was going to begin five weeks of radiation and chemo on Monday. Now that is on hold until this problem is resolved.

Please pray for The Lord to heal my obstruction tonight, as it is a surgery with lots of risks of complications. Also, any delay in the treatment of my tumor leaves me in severe pain and at risk of it continuing to grow and eventually spread. In addition, having surgery means I will be out of work and graduate school a lot longer and this could have a wide range of learning and financial implications.

Needless to say, this has been a really tough couple of days, and I have some hard days ahead. Please pray for me, my family and the doctor to make the right decisions. Pray that I will trust His Plan, even if it seems like a hard road to walk.

A glimmer of hope

A picture my mom sent me this morning, with the subject: this new day.

As you can probably imagine it's been a long couple of days. I haven't been sleeping very well and I've sort of known for two weeks that my cancer has been back, even without the completed MRIs. Honestly, I've been feeling pretty hopeless. I saw my future as never ending cycles of chemotherapy. Chemo was really tough for me last time, and I wasn't looking forward to it. I was ready to do what needed to be done, but I saw little reason for optimism. That changed today, and a glimmer of hope was rekindled for me.

I shouldn't have been surprised, though. In 2008, I woke up from my surgery to discover that the cancer was in a more difficult place than they thought and that I would be dealing with the results of that for the rest of my life. In addition, I had waited a long time to get checked out, and everyone assumed that my cancer was pretty far along. A few days later, I found out that all 19 of my lymph nodes were negative for cancer. My tumor was considered stage 1 and I wouldn't need chemotherapy. I had been given a reprieve when all had seemed lost.

Two years ago, I found out that in fact my cancer had spread to my lung. My doctor told me that surgery was not a good option for me and that the best plan was chemo and radiation. I knew that this meant the cancer would never be completely gone, because surgery wasn't the only "curative" option. I started my first round of chemo, and when it landed me in the hospital coughing up blood, I hit rock bottom.

In the morning, the radiation oncologist at CDH, Dr. Kesslering, came into see whether beginning radiation immediately might be the best plan. She immediately expressed her confidence that she could stop the bleeding and shrink the tumor with radiation. Then she said something I will never forget, "But I don't understand why you're not having surgery." She went out of her way to take charge of my case. She brought my case to a group of doctors and surgeons at CDH and started me down a path that led me to having my tumor removed successfully at Rush. It was that question that turned my perspective and gave me hope.

Now, I am faced with the reality that the cancer has come back again. I can't fool myself that there is a curative option. A lot of you have called me brave, but it's more a sense of realism that led me to accept the situation. I'm realistic, but I was also essentially without hope. A friend told me, "I just know you'll get good news on Tuesday." I appreciated the sentiment, but I couldn't fool myself into agreeing. Of course, she was wrong; the good news came a lot quicker.

Yesterday, the instant my oncologist realized that the MRI revealed a tumor on my spine, he said, "I'm going to refer you to Dr. Kesslering." I didn't even have to bring her up. Today, I called to set up an appointment and the receptionist said, "Oh, we went ahead and made you an appointment for today." At that point (actually sooner), I should have seen the Lord's fingerprints and known what was coming, but I didn't.

Here's the glimmer of hope that I found today. First, I had a CT scan last night and no other tumors were found. Assuming that tomorrow's bone scan comes back clear, Dr. Kesslering thinks that I should have two weeks of intensive radiation focused on killing the tumor on my spine. In consultation with Dr. George, my medical oncologist, they are thinking that I might not even need chemo. The hope is that if they can treat this tumor locally and then track me carefully, I could possibly have another long stretch of being cancer free.

I can't express fully how much this has changed my perspective, and given me hope. In the past, I think I interpreted these moments of hope as being about the cancer never coming back. I acted like that meant that I could move on and pretend like it never happened. I wasted those times of being healthy and cancer free. I don't believe that was why God was giving me these reprieves.

Now that I know that there is no permanent cure coming, I think I can live more purposefully and without squandering the time He has given me. This has turned out to be a really long post, but I felt compelled to share the glimmer of hope that the Lord gave me today.

Thank you for all the notes of support and your prayers. They mean so much to me.

Another journey

I've never been a great blogger, so I'm not sure who is regularly checking this site. I always relish not needing to update you on how I am doing in this way. However, I do have some news that I need to share.

Over the past few months, I have been having back pain that has been progressively worsening. The last couple of weeks it has become quite severe. I recently had an MRI of my back and they found a 5 cm x 6 cm mass on my sacrum spine. My doctor has ordered some additional tests to see if there are any other areas of concern. On Tuesday, I will see the doctor again to talk about the next steps in this process.

While we have yet to do a biopsy to confirm that this is cancer, all signs point that way. The good news is that my cancer has seemed to move rather slowly. It was three and half years between my original surgery and when they found the lung metastasis. That was almost two years ago, now. The tumors markers in my blood are rising for the first time ever, but I am hopeful that we can keep it at bay for a long time.

I have appreciated your support and prayers over the last five years. I need them again, and I am blessed to have such great friend and family. I will keep you updated as I learn more about where the Lord is leading me on this journey. I know that this is part of the Lord’s plan for my life. He is faithful, even when we can’t always see what His purposes are.

Steve

One year

One year ago today, I was waking up from a very successful surgery to remove a metastatic tumor from my left lung. My recovery from that surgery, thanks to the expertise of Dr. Michael Liptay and the Lord's protection, was extremely fast. While, chemotherapy was tough the next few months, I survived it and there was no sign of the cancer returning at my most recent check up in June. Thank you all for your continued support and prayers.

3-month checkup

I saw the doctor for my three-month checkup today and everything looks good. There is no sign of cancer on the scans of my liver. I'll go back in three months for a follow-up CT of my chest and abdomen, but for now the news is good.

I'm glad for the report, but another situation has driven home for me what a scourge cancer is. It doesn't care who you are, or how good a person you are. It takes husbands from wives, mothers from their children, and children from those who love them. This is an evil we may never fully defeat this side of Heaven, but there is progress being made.

You have all been so generous to me these last four years. You've sacrificed to support me personally and you have contributed thousands of dollars in my name to the fight against cancer. Recent events have made me more passionate about being a part of the fight against cancer as a global menace that tears apart families, not just fighting the cancer that threatens my own life. That's why I am donating to support my sister, Janet, in her second consecutive year running the Chicago Marathon for Team Livestrong.

Thanks as always for your prayers. They mean so much to me. The Lord has been good to me and blessed me through them.

Good News

The Patriots are in the Super Bowl!

Oh wait, that's not the good news! It took a few scans and rescans, but I am in the clear for the next three months. We're going to follow a indistinct spot on my liver that was found on an MRI. There was no evidence of it, though, on a follow up CT scan. My lungs are clear. I go back to the doctor in late April for another MRI and blood tests.

I'm very thankful to God for his provision these last 9 months and for the next 3 months of living my normal non-chemo life. Thank you to everyone for your support as well. It's meant so much to me.

Also, please pray for my aunt, Beth, who is undergoing her third chemotherapy treatment today for beast cancer. I know how hard chemo can be and the power of being lifted up in prayer by those who love you.

I'll try to update this blog occasionally between now and April, but I'm relishing being busy with teaching and graduate school. I might post some pictures of my trip to Indianapolis next weekend. Tickets are a little too pricy at this point, but it should be fun just to be around the Super Bowl festivities as a Patriots fan.